


Doubt

by tobeconspicuous



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barba has a thing for Sonny, Dinner dates, Flirting, M/M, Pre-Slash, References to Miss 34b, Rita Calhoun does not feature but is mentioned, Sonny has a thing for Barba, interrupted dinner dates, relationship red flags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 10:43:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12455936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/pseuds/tobeconspicuous
Summary: Sonny makes plans.  Barba makes him doubt them.





	Doubt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [barbaesparza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbaesparza/gifts).



> For BarbaEsparza for being an absolute joy and for listening to my constant complaint recently. Hopefully this bribe will help put up with me for longer.
> 
> Also Nicole throws some serious red flags, if these occur in your partner talk about it to someone.
> 
> Many thanks to AHumanFemale for their wonderful support, being Devine and for acting as beta for this fic. All the good bits, including the title and summary can be attributed to them. Any mistakes are mine and mine alone.
> 
> And to Robin Hood (Kjack89) for helping me assemble this into something coherent. You are a wonderful human being and I adore you.
> 
> I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do to. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Sonny Carisi was nervous.

He was sitting alone at a table of a restaurant he could barely afford waiting for his date to show. Nicole D'Abruzzo, or Miss 34B as Amanda not so affectionately nicknamed her, was a force of nature. They had met several years ago at Fordham but had only been dating for the past year. And for the first time in his life Sonny felt he had found someone who he could spend the rest of his life with.

Nicole was Catholic, wanted two children, his parents adored her- and her father had said yes months ago. So why was he so nervous? Why did he keep delaying the inevitable?

 _Maybe_ inevitable.

The word was difficult to attach to their relationship when something always stepped in to interfere. Each time he found the perfect moment, something happened to make him think twice. A nice walk in Central Park ended up with Nicole cleaning bird droppings off her favorite coat, a broadway show ended with a fire evacuation, and countless evenings at home ruined by Sonny being called away for work. That on its own wouldn’t be alarming, he’s called away fairly often, but that on top of everything else seemed… significant.

His sisters joked that it was a sign, that the universe didn’t want them together. Sonny laughed off their comments, he tried to show that he wasn’t at all worried. Though every so often an occasional doubtful thought came creeping in and Sonny would have to convince himself all over again.

Doubts were normal. Weren’t they? Did it really matter that Nicole drove him up the wall with her occasionally pervasive negativity? That she had a constant need to be praised and reassured? That she hated his job and wanted him to pursue law? That she had never wanted to meet his colleagues? Those were just… _things_. Small details. Details that won’t matter in five years, in twenty. In forty when the only things they’d have to worry about was taking their meds and their two kids and keeping up with an entire fleet of grandchildren.

An ugly knot formed in his throat and he swallowed against it, feeling his collar tighten.

He looked around the room, distancing himself from the way those questions were making him feel. This wasn’t how he’d want to remember tonight, with a haze of negativity around his every thought. Tonight he was determined, tonight he would finally ask the question. As he fumbled with the ring box in his pocket he looked around the room and noticed a familiar figure seated at a table across from Sonny's own. A familiar figure that still, after years, still manages to make his jaw threaten to drop.

Even in casual clothes Rafael Barba looked good. Sonny had always been envious of the man and how he could make the most garish colors look good. Or maybe they made him look good. Rafael wore most colors like they were designed for him - swirled on some artist’s palette with the sole purpose of bringing out the gold in his skin, the green fire in his eyes. It was something Sonny always admired, both platonically and decidedly not. Sonny had never quite gotten over his crush on the man and probably wasn’t ever going to, he realized as his mouth grew dry.

Barba was seated with a man taller than both of them, they were chatting animatedly and then suddenly stopped. Sonny quickly turned away and attempted to focus on his menu but apparently it was too late, within moments Barba's shadow had graced his table.

Sonny couldn't help but turn to look at the prosecutor. "Detective, this takes stalking to a whole new level."

"Counselor," Sonny nodded in acknowledgment. "I wasn't planning on intruding on your date-"

Barba huffed a laugh. "Not a date, just a business meeting."

Sonny glanced at Barba's table only to see his friend had also vacated his seat, the table was already being cleared for the next patron. Sonny turned back only to notice Barba had rested a hand on the back of the seat.

"I didn't expect to see you in a place like this Carisi," Barba continued with a flourish. "It doesn’t seem your style.”

Sonny narrowed his eyes with a smirk.

“How do you know my style, Barba?”

The man scoffed. “Years of exposure to the result of it. So where’s your date, detective?”

As if on queue Sonny's phone went off, he glanced down and noticed his soon to be fiancées name had flashed up on the screen. He unlocked the phone and quickly opened the text message, she was running late.

"Why don't you join me Barba?" Sonny suggested with a smile.

The prosecutor raised a brow. "Your date?"

"Is running late," Sonny chuckled nervously. "And I don't particularly want to spend the next hour waiting alone."

Barba smile gratefully and quickly sat down. "If you’re sure. I really could use a drink."

"Oh?" Sonny normally wasn't one to pry, but if the attorney wanted to talk he was all ears.

Barba signaled a waiter, who immediately bought him a glass of scotch. He then ordered a glass of Sangiovese for Sonny which arrived just as quickly. Barba then raised his scotch in a mock salute before taking a sip. Sonny hesitantly followed.

"Not a fan of the wine?" Barba took another sip.

Sonny forced a smile. "It's fine."

“So are you meeting with the elusive Miss 34B?” Barba asked, a smirk gracing his handsome features.

Sonny took another sip of the red wine the prosecutor had ordered, he used the time to relish the taste and contemplate his answer. “You’ve been talking to Amanda then?”

“No, but gossip travels fast-”

“The Lieu then,” Sonny interrupted Barba’s smirk with one of his own.

The prosecutor raised a brow before continuing playfully, “Does this mean I may be the first to meet the imaginary woman?”

“If you can put up with me for an hour,” Sonny admitted, looking as though it was possible Barba couldn’t.

Sonny was surprised when a warm chuckle escaped from Barba. “That will be the test, won’t it? Although this scotch is good enough that I might be forced to admit that I sometimes enjoy the time we spend together.”

Sonny felt himself flush warm, it was rare that the older man praised him. When he had first started with SVU Sonny had felt more than admiration for the man, those feelings were soon squashed though. Dating Nicole had helped but occasionally the prosecutor would say or do something and Sonny would feel heat pool in his stomach.

“Especially when I leave the room?” Sonny joked as he attempted to distract himself from the half complement the prosecutor had given him.

“What can I say detective?” Sonny couldn’t help but worry at the smirk that graced the other man’s features. “I appreciate a nice view.”

Sonny’s mind went blank, his eyes widened in amazement and the prosecutor’s smirk grew. Barba, as always, exuded an air of confidence. “The sight of you leaving me alone for all of five minutes does wonders for my blood pressure.”

Even with the brushed off statement Sonny felt an electricity in the air and suddenly he was more aware of the man seated opposite him. Sonny could feel each inch of where the older man’s leg was pressed against his own under the table, he was hypnotized by the prosecutor’s fingers slowly tracing the rim of his glass, and when he looked up to meet Barba’s green eyes his stomach fluttered. Sonny thought he had (mostly) gotten over his thing for Barba a long time ago, it was unfair that all it took was a teasing statement and once more he was left wanting.

Sonny stumbled through his words as he tried to change the subject. “How much have you had to drink, exactly? That was almost a compliment.”

“Enough for my tongue to be looser,” Barba sighed. “And to forget my usual decorum around a colleague.”

Sonny couldn’t help the scoff that escaped. “You see me as a colleague?”

“Your contributions are occasionally of use,” Barba flashed a sharp grin before he finished his scotch and waved the waiter down again. He gestured to Sonny’s half full glass asking silently if he wanted a refill, the detective shook his head.

“I’m glad I can make the ‘occasional contribution’,” Sonny tried to hide his sarcasm by taking another sip of the rich red wine.

The prosecutor continued smoothly, ignoring the detective’s tone. “Your insights over the past week have been helpful.”

“I was meaning to ask how trial prep is going,” Sonny eagerly awaited Barba’s response.

As Sonny watched the older man animatedly talk about the case, his planned defense and his opposition, he just couldn’t help but study him. The way Barba’s touch seemed to float and linger over his glass and his napkin and the stark white cloth on the table as he talked, the way his mouth worked its way around words, the way his green eyes brightened as he talked himself into a frenzy. Everything entranced Sonny. When Barba finally stopped talking to look at his watch the detective felt guilty, for watching the other man but also for potentially boring him with his decision to look rather than to actively participate in the conversation.

“Sorry,” Sonny felt himself flush red. “I didn’t mean for this drink to turn into yet another business meeting.”

The corners of Barba’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Trust me detective, this is nothing like my other business meeting.”

“What would you consider this, then?” The combination of the rich wine and the prosecutor's attention made the detective feel a little reckless. “Drinks with colleagues? A _date_ , God forbid?”

A brief chuckle escaped before the prosecutors smile twisted into a smirk and a cocked brow. “If this was a date you’d know it.”

“Oh?” Sonny’s interest was piqued, he leaned closer to the other man.

Barba slowly raked his gaze over Sonny before he smiled and-

The shrill ringtone of Barba’s work phone interrupted whatever the prosecutor was about to say. The prosecutor looked at the device, rolled his eyes and dismissed the call.

Sonny was slightly annoyed at the interruption. “Not urgent?”

“Avoiding a friend,” Barba shrugged eyeing the waiter as they bought another glass of scotch.

Sonny finished off his wine before he prides further. “You were saying?”

“About what?” The older man’s tone suggested he knew exactly what Sonny was about to ask.

“A date?” Sonny tried to repress the red blush that was surely once again creeping into his face. Barba’s smirk seemed to grow wider, a combination of Sonny’s embarrassment and the scotch that had just arrived. “How-”

Once again they were interrupted by the sound of the prosecutors phone phone going off. Barba pulled his phone out and eyed the device, he let out a huff before he pocketed it. “What a pity, I’m going to have to give Rita a call.”

Just as he was about to respond Sonny spied a familiar head of brown curls which had been pulled into a loose ponytail. Nicole looked lovely, wearing a purple dress that he always said bought out the blue in her eyes. He couldn’t help the automatic smile that graced his features.

Barba had clearly noticed the look on Sonny’s face, his smirk had turned into a small frown as he had followed the younger man’s gaze. After drinking in the sight of Nicole the prosecutor turned back to Sonny with another smirk plastered across his features.

“That’s my cue to leave,” Barba finished his drink and then nodded at the younger man.

Sonny didn’t want the man to go. “Wait! Don’t you want to meet Nicole?”

“Some other time,” Barba brushed off the question. “When I’m in a more sociable mood. Goodnight, Carisi.”

“Night,” was all Sonny could choke out before the man was out of his seat and sauntering away. The detective watched the prosecutor leave, his gaze firmly locked on the older man’s retreating backside.

“Sorry I’m late,” Nicole began before she noticed Sonny wasn’t paying her any attention, he was still too focused on Barba. She didn’t take very kindly to being ignored - even inadvertently. The next time she spoke that was obvious in every word that dripped from her glossed lips.

“Sonny,” her tone was cool. “Who was that?”

Sonny immediately snapped his gaze to meet his girlfriend's eyes. “Just a- ah- colleague from work.”

“Oh,” She sighed before she took her seat. “Have you given any more though to joining a private firm?”

As his girlfriend continued to talk about the benefits of private practice Sonny thought of his interactions with Barba. The older man’s tone, his outfit, but Sonny especially thought of the wicked smirk that had graced Barba’s handsome features as the attorney had propositioned him. Sonny felt familiar heat pool in his belly and his heart rate started a steady climb.

Sonny reached into his pocket and ran his fingers over the small navy box that was hidden within. Nothing sparked in his fingers, the moment no longer felt leaden with possibility. It was just a box, with just a ring inside. It wasn’t enough to keep his eyes from following the ghost of Barba’s form or to keep him from wondering what Barba would have said had they not been interrupted.

Tonight was not the time to propose and this restaurant was certainly not the place. Not with Sonny’s attention still focused so firmly on the man who’d just left. Maybe when he proposed it needed to be with only Nicole in mind, his attention on her as he asked. Not thinking about the words that might have been uttered between him and Barba had they been left alone.

Maybe he needed more time. Maybe he needed a better way to ask, a better plan. Maybe he needed to invest more in the two of them, to working out their meager differences so these doubts didn’t keep floating up at the slightest hint of distress.

And still Barba’s words floated to the top of his mind.

_If this was a date you’d know it._

Sonny shivered.

Or maybe Nicole wasn’t the right person at all. 


End file.
